You know what's awful?  discovering live maggots crawling around on your kitchen floor, yes you heard me right...heeby geeby disgusting i know...but what's worse is not knowing where they came from...but wait there's more!  add on to that discovering water dripping down the wall from behind the TV in the living room, right where the upstairs bathroom pumbing pipes run...yeah that sounds fun doesn't it?  Can't wait to start cutting gigantic holes in our living room walls today...oh but lets not forget this months electric bill that was actually larger than the entire families COBRA payment for the month(BIG), which might have been alright had we not felt like we've been living two steps from the Sahara while inside the house most of the month.  But I guess that's all par for the course when you own a home(well maybe not the maggots) but it could be worse I suppose...(I keep telling myself that cuz I'm a hopeless optimist). 

Aside from our dream house sporting similarities to the Amityville horror house(which makes me wonder now if we ARE built on top of a graveyard as the rumors state), we are also discovering the horrors of age and it's relentlessness on my poor hubbyman who has just discovered he's been walking around on a fractured foot for who knows how long and that he may now have brittle bones on top of osteoporosis in his early 40's?  Our 14yr old dog has a tumor on her head the size of a kiwi and I'm just sure it's going to explode any day now and force us to 'be the farmer' and put her down, because expensive surgery for an old dog  just isn't viable when your unemployed.

Yeah, that's pretty much my week in a nutshell...

happy birthday to me! 

I had alot to wish for when i blew out the candle this year...

Z's birthday is right around the corner so i told her she could get a box of Lucky Charms cereal when we were at the store today.  She was pushing her own little mini shopping cart next to me in the store, and as we made our way out of the cereal isle with the Lucky Charms i her her say "There's a little bit of magic in every bite!" 

Advertising has done its job.

The proceedure started it out with a little "silly juice"cocktail for her to to drink to help relax her before they took her into the OR.  I couldn't resist taking my camera along to capture the moment.  Here she is just when we got in and put her hospital gown on(as you can see she looks in good spirits).

Then she got happier...by the wonders of "silly juice"...and silly too.

after all was said and done she came out of the whole thing with flying colors and can peacefully breathe through her nose now while she sleeps. 

But before we could call it a night..poor thing threw up all over the game room.  <sigh> guess  that's what i get for videotaping her on silly juice.

{:[

A Good Day!

One day I happen upon this in the living room...

I think we have about one cat & one dog to many as it is so it was a no sale for me. I did have to wonder why she was wanting to sell her very adored kitty in the first place, but I guess it's just the natural entrepreneur in her coming out...I'm reminded of when we played library together and she was trying to charge for the books we were checking out...she'll probably go far in life.

Personally if i were gona sell one of the animals off i'd be more inclined to put this one on the chopping block.  He's the typical 'bad attitude' cat that never lets the kids get close to him(unless he's try to take out an eye that is.)

A little later Z went out in the backyard for a little while, and during that time the orange cat Bashindo ended his nap and went outside in the frontyard. When Z came back inside i informed her that i had good news! I sold Bashindo to a boy who came to the door and had $1.50 for her. She's pretty clever though and didn't buy into our foolery but Hubby and I kept up the charade anyway while she started looking for him in all his favorite nap spots.  When she couldn't find him anywhere i could see in her face that she wondered if we really DID sell him, but didn't say a word. 

It was about bedtime so her and little D went upstairs to get their pajamas on.  When i went up to check on her a few minutes later, I found her sitting on the floor in her room with tears welling up in her eyes and she said "I'm gona miss him so much..."   It was time to come clean and chalk up another point to the 'reasons i will never be mother of the year' scoreboard.  

(it's still fun to dupe your kids now and again...makes them all the more wiser)

I spent a good half hour at the store looking through Mother’s Day cards hoping to find something worthy of sending to my mom to remind her how much she means to me, all the while Little D pulled card after card off the rack asking, ”how about this one mommy?” and “what does this say?” holding up various cards with amusing pictures on the front.

I finally gave up on the idea altogether as no card in the history of Hallmark could possibly convey my feelings for my mother.  There are too many things that need to be said and I’m sure that the only people in this world who could understand our relationship is her and I…so Mom, this is for you… because although you and I have always had a special bond that has grown even stronger since I became a mother myself, I want to share with you some things that stuck with me throughout my life.  Your profound effect on my life is something I carry with me always and now have the honor of passing on to my girls.

Despite a difficult childhood, I NEVER had ill feeling toward you…quite the opposite actually.  You were always my rock, my security, my reason to go on and be strong…When I was about 3 yrs old I remember getting the mumps(or maybe it was chicken pox) but I remember having to stay in bed and could only watch through the window at the other kids playing outside with a red scooter.  I remember you coming and sitting by my bedside and trying to make me feel better…even though I may not have told you, you staying with me and keeping me company, and rubbing my back made me feel so much better.  Having you near always made me feel safe and loved.  

I will never forget our nightly ritual of the never-let-go-hug and my favorite books that you read to me over and over again…’One Kitten for Kim’ and the Big Richard Scary book.  And now one of Z’s favorite books is ‘One kitten For Kim’ that you somehow found a mint copy of 35yrs later to give to her.  

I remember the vegetable garden you planted in the backyard of our house in Lubbock.  I remember you showing me the peas in the pods…I was amazed by that…I will never forget our chickens, we named Lavern and Shirley and Starsky and Hutch…and the double yolk eggs Lavern produced on several occasions.  I will never forget the day the chickens escaped our yards and how you chased and herded them up and down the street finally getting them back in the yard.  It was funny to us and even though you must have felt humiliated chasing those things, you didn't give up I suspect because you knew how much those chickens meant to us.

You used to take us for walks around that pond near our house and through that little garden area that had tiny lemon trees growing there.  I use to think of that as the garden of Eden for some reason and always felt special when you took us there.  You let us collect lots of little frogs down by the pond in coffee cans and bring them back home where we would have frog races on the back patio.  You shared your love and respect for nature with us and I’m sure it is because of you, that I have a fond respect to this day for spiders. 

I remember when we discovered our cat Tiger had passed away in the hallway.  I think that was the first time I remember seeing you cry.  I can’t describe the feeling I had …I wonder if Z and D felt the same when they saw me cry (for the first time?) last year.  I’ll probably never forget the look on Z’s face…she looked so concerned and saddened.  She’s always been filled with so much compassion.  I wonder if I was too at that age?

I remember once when Dad was berating us in the back yard about cleaning up the mess there one day. He was pacing back and forth and yelling like a drill sergeant –and us, two little girls standing there frozen in fear.  As his yelling intensified he hauled off and kicked a metal coffee can that careened over and hit my sister on the leg.  He said nothing and marched off with a final warning to clean up the yard.  When we told you what had happened you were upset and I could see angry compassion in your eyes.  Later that day after you had talked to him he came out and begrudgingly apologized for the can incident.  I was amazed by your strength to stand up to him and you influence over him.

I remember when we first moved to Del Rio.  When we got there with our cats and I opened the car door to let the cats out and one took off and disappeared.  Dad came down on me pretty hard over it, but you could see how bad I felt about my cat running away and only had words of comfort and compassion for me and reassured he would come back.  Feelings were always more important to you than lecturing a point. 

When I was at school once in the 4^th grade, I had to sit out of PE class for some reason, so I was told to sit under this tree for the entire period.  It was 100 degrees outside and the ground around the tree was infested with ants and I was bitten all over.  When I came home and told you what had happened you were furious and immediately called the school and went to battle for me.  I don’t know what you said to them but things really changed in PE after that.  I think the already bitter coach resented me to no end from then on, but I felt safe knowing I had you in my corner.

I never knew what prejudice was until I was in high school. You are a true humanitarian and never once gave us any indication that any one class was better or worse than another.  You seemed to always extend respect and friendliness to people regardless of race or class.  It’s because of you that I felt comfortable having a boyfriend who was black in a Texas high school.   Your quiet courage and commitment to doing and believing in what’s right is what I will proudly pass on to Z & D, as you did for me.   

You always made sure we could come to you to talk about anything.  You never judged and always were honest and open with information.  You discussed sex with us early on and made sure that we knew when our time came that you would be there to help us take the measures to ensure we would be safe.  One thing you told me when I was a teenager that I always remembered, was that having sex would complicated my relationships and my life and I should be prepared for that.  You were right and that is advice I will pass down to my girls one day.

When you and I attended college together for that brief time, I know it was hard for you to watch me go through my ‘wild phase’ and then practically sleep through the literature class on Saturday mornings…You never once gave me grief about it though I know it must have been embarrassing for you.  I really enjoyed our breakfasts together after class each week…our talks during that time always meant a lot to me and I felt kept us close during a time when I could have been lost.

When my car got broken into outside of a nightclub one evening and my purse and all of my college art supplies were stolen…I called you crying and probably a little drunk, but you didn’t lecture me about being irresponsible…you comforted me and told me exactly who to call to cancel my credit card and the next day you gave me money at a time when neither of us had much, to help me replace all of my art supplies I had lost.  I will never forget that unconditional support and love. 

You always had a place for me to live with you when my arrangements with men didn’t work out.  You never tried to control my life, even when it seemed out of control at times.  You watched and listened and offered valuable advice without ever making me feel bad about my choices…even when my choices we’re bad.

When Hubby and I decided to get married suddenly after 6yrs of living together, you talked me out of going to the JP and asked if we would come down and have a small wedding in your garden at your home.  You took care of everything for us and gave us such a beautiful wedding day... I know it must have been difficult to pull things together on such short notice.  I hope you know how appreciative we were then and are now to have that wedding and the memories of that wonderful day.    

You were so excited to become a grandma and that made me feel even more excited about becoming a mother.  I'll never forget how you dropped everything on the moments notice and drove up to our city at the speed of light when you found out Z was going to have to be delivered 6 weeks early due to complications with my pregnancy.  I think you must have made that 4 and a half hour drive in less than 3 hrs...and when you got there I was SO relieved to see your face and have you there.  I know it was a huge disappointment to you that you were not allowed into the delivery room during the c-section but you never made a uncomfortable issue out of it...you graciously accepted the situation and made me feel at ease at a time when I was at my most stressed.  

In the months to come with a new baby and the incredible amount of stress we were going through, you were there to offer support without being overbearing.  There were times when i snapped at you under the stress for offering advice, and you quietly stepped back and let me do things my way...I want you know that I still listened and took your advice to heart even though i didn't let you know then. 

When your hearing started to deteriorate, and it was difficult to communicate with you sometimes, I felt such a loss...I felt as though I was losing you and I didn't know how to handle it.  I am ashamed to say i tried to disconnect from you and and i was angry with you because i felt like it didn't bother you as much as it did me.  I must have been awful for you to not be able to hear you grandchildren talking to you...I felt helpless and it made me think for the first time about you not being there for me anymore.  It tore me up inside thinking about you being gone one day.  I have never lost someone I've loved so much and that is a difficult emotion to deal with.  I'm sorry if I made you feel bad during that time...

When you met NK, your life changed and you were so happy to be with him.  I was so happy for you too and wanted only the best for you because you deserved it.   It was however difficult for me to trust him and to share you with someone else who was as important to you as I.  There may have been times when I tried to pull you in another direction for my own selfishness, but I want you to know that I am truly happy that you and NK are together and I think he is a wonderful person.  I'm sorry if I made things difficult for you two at any point.  I am so glad that we are all at a good place in our lives and relationships and are family now. 

Mom, there is no one in this world like you, and I have loved you more than life itself for as long as I can remember and always will forever.   These things I tell you today are but a drop in the bucket of years and years of wisdom, quiet strength and unconditional love that you have given me in my lifetime…I can only hope that I can honor you by being as good a mother to Z & D as you are to me, and I'll make sure they know how lucky they are to have you in their life as well.

We love you!!!

  I wish I had a nice picture of you and I Mom...but it seems I've been behind the camera more than in front of it when we are together.  The next time we see each other I want to have some pictures of you and I taken so will have them.   I love you...

Happy Mother’s Day Mom...and thank you for being you. 

I'm sure i have THE most picky eater child ever.  I can't believe she snubs things like strawberries, hamburgers, sandwiches(except for PB&J), crust on bread, chicken....I mean this child wants only around 5 basic things to eat and now a then a new food will come and go. 

But in fairness, i remember I was quite a picky eater too(not sure if i was THAT bad though) so in some way i have to accept this as karma coming full circle and giving me a little smack on the ass. 

Little D is unlike me in so many ways, but it's funny, even though she is a handful and sure to be trouble(with a capital T)when she gets older, I love that child ...you just cant imagine how much. 

Everyone talks about the bond between a mother and child and you can't really understand fully it unless you experience it from both ends.  When they look at you, you just know...they are like a peice of your heart walking around outside your body.  It's embeded-pure-uncondition. No matter what kind of hell my daughters put me through in the years to come, i know i will love them fiercely and be there for them always...until they put me into my grave.

Here's a picture of little D that I just love. My mom took it while we were visiting.

She'll always be my baby...

A picture is worth a thousand words...so here is my "Days" pictorial.

Z gets a drum lesson from Daddy.

 Some weird pancake looking mushrooms growing on a tree near our house.

Alien Potato.

Things little D occupies her time with....marbles in a stream of light.

Family Movie Night.

The masked dog food eating bandit strikes again!

We're growing a dog...

Sent the kids to get in the car while we grab stuff and locked up and this is what we came out to...

Little D's Masterpiece tower.

Homework is SOOOOO boring....

Ink stampers are fun when Moms not around.

A valentine gift from Z to little D.

Last look out of Hubbyman's office window on the final day in the office. 

Z buys a Hanna Montana glamour case with her Christmas gift card...

Green sprout on Earth Day.

that's all for now...